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In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are.
If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept living amends the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends.
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Those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends whenever possible. When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only “changes for the better” I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine.
- Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them.
- Direct amends are not always possible or practical, but that doesn’t mean the individual is unable to demonstrate changed behavior.
- By tackling step nine, recovering alcoholics can be freed from their past, including addiction.
- Making amends is one of the most important parts of 12 step programs.
If you are struggling at this point in your journey or even if you just require some advice, it is always a possibility to reach out to the other members of your group. Other people who are or who have gone through the 12 steps are likely to have some insight on how best to do so. Each of these steps requires members to make big decisions. Yes, members may procrastinate completing this step, but they’re not restrained from making big decisions within the first year.
Step 9 of AA: Make Amends With Those You’ve Harmed
It would be nice if the above outcomes were universal—but they aren’t (of course). Making amends won’t necessarily play out like the ending of a Hallmark movie. Sometimes, the outcome can be uglier and downright disappointing.
- At this time, you can offer whatever restitution you have deemed appropriate.
- There may be many people in your life you’ve hurt and who have hurt you.
- It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt.
For example, Dr. Bob, one of the original founders of the AA program, could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt. On a similar note, the sixth and seventh steps give recovering alcoholics newfound humility in order to prevent blame, anger, or self-righteousness during their recovery. The eighth step then helps the individual prepare to accomplish step nine.
How Making Amends Positively Affects the Brain
The guilt for your wrongdoings will eventually dissipate and by making an apology and amends, you will be able to let go and live. State how you are taking personal responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused. Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing https://ecosoberhouse.com/ everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took. If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done.
Eventually you will find you are making amends day by day through the positive actions you routinely take in living by Twelve Step principles. For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage. Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time. This may involve attending family therapy or individual therapy.